i deconstruct my thoughts at this Piano.

somehow, with every window open and the sounds of Life
[[traffic,birds,laughter]]
Outside,
it feels like the very last day of the World
and if i dare to close my eyes it will never come
Again.

---

do you know,
every time i put that big
soft
leather jacket on
i feel like i'm six years old
wearing mommy's red
high heels.

---

i say, 'it should never happen'
you say, 'it is necessary'
i say, 'the situation could have been avoided'
you say, 'maybe not'
i say, 'it could have worked out'
you say, 'i don't think so'
you leave
i cry
again

---

every time i hear a
gunshot
i remember when i was seven
and there was blood
everywhere
and mommy yelling to go in the other room
like i couldn't already see
like she could pretend he fell
if i just left now
and didn't stop
to
stare.

---

sometimes i get angry
and i just feel like putting on my
little black dress
and red high heels
and going out to
Destroy men

---

the hurt when you're gone
will be like hail
in a hay field
it will throw me down
and come harvest time
i won't be useful anymore
and no one will
bother
to stand me back
UP

---

i wonder if he ever
stops
to see himself
and i wonder if he ever
stops at all
and i wonder if he has time
to breathe

in all the loving he does

and sometimes i even wonder
if the love will ever stop
seeing him.